i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
