I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
