chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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