Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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