For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
