im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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