I didn't shave. On purpose
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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