She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
