i don't like sucking hair
Yo dont text me then not text me
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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