I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
