areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
