you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
