What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
