Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
