Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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