he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
