I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
