He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
