I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
