I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
