You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
