she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I came so hard my ears popped.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
