so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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