hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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