I think I died a long time ago.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
