Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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