we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
