So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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