Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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