I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
