moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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