I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
