M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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