I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
