I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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