Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
