A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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