I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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