i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She bit a glass in half.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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