Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
