I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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