i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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