Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
