You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sext me about skeletons
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
