im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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