So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
