Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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