I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
