I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
