I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
