Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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