and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
