then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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