I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you made out with another girl for some wings
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize