I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
