I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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