she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
