This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
