Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
farters have to be the big spoon...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
