can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
