i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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