I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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