u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
