he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
