Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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