I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
