I'm sorry my penis didn't work
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
