Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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