I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
