He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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