Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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