hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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