thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
